This is a tough introduction for me to write…mostly because I am just beginning to know myself again over the last year or so.

I say “again” because I knew myself in childhood. I’m sure I could have described who I was if I had been asked back then. Yet somehow that knowledge became broken into little pieces over time as I experienced life. I would have moments where the familiarity of myself would return. It just didn’t stay put with any sort of resolve and commitment.

I believe this happens to most of humanity. Life eats away at that foundational confidence in who we are, and we become more consumed with the roles we play versus relying on the inner knowledge of who we are without those roles.

I found myself so disconnected from who I was that I found myself living according to what I thought others were expecting of me-or who others thought I was. Their expectations. Their presumptions of me. The key here is “what I thought”. Because, of course, in reality, no one knows what anyone else is thinking!

At 46 years old, I have just recently come to this realization. Initially, I was so saddened to see that this had played out this way-so much time lost investing all of my energy in building Amanda into what I thought others wanted/needed/desired. Like most of the false narratives that we create for ourselves, this inauthentic Amanda evolved from all kinds of experiences. Somewhere I had lost sight of how I wanted to live my life.

In darker moments, struggling with this truth of feeling lost and disconnected, I was reading an article that talked about perseverance-and moving through tough times with some level of grace. The article’s main point-” don’t waste your pain” became something I grabbed onto and have said to myself repeatedly for the last several months.

Therefore, I will not allow the painful parts to be for nothing. I am going to start writing again as a way for me to get back home to myself. Because the one piece of me that has been present for as long as I can remember is my love of connecting through writing-whether it’s reading or creating something for someone else to see something of themselves in.

One of the most influential pieces of advice I ever received about being human and living the human experience was to always look for the sameness in others-don’t focus on the differences because you will always find them and will tend to settle on them in your relationships (personal and professional). Concentrate on the similarities-the ways you connect with someone. In doing this, you not only learn about them, but your own self-discovery increases as well. You feel relief that someone else also experiences life in similar ways that you do. Even if it’s just for a few moments.

As I begin this experience and remember more “about me” as I go, I hope that it also gives anyone that may be reading this blog the fuel to reconnect with themselves. Because, despite all our different circumstances and life experiences, ultimately, we have an organic need to feel that we are not alone on this journey.